


Lean On Me

by lunarknightz



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 07:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8136181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarknightz/pseuds/lunarknightz
Summary: Post Big Damn Movie, Simon deals with jumbled up emotions, and gets some much needed support.





	

The sun was just rising over the landscape of Haven as Simon exited the ship. It was awful early to be up and doing anything, but after spending the last few hours tossing and turning, he’d given up on sleep. 

It seemed peaceful here. Beautiful, the way the sun rose over the hills. People on Osiris would pay millions to have a scene like this framed and matted on their walls. But as Simon gazed at the sunrise, the rays of red and gold light which should have been marvellous in his eyes instead seemed to be bathing the entire planet in blood. 

Haven was tainted by blood. Blood shed by the Alliance. Blood shed by the Reavers. The blood of innocent people who had done nothing more than offer a home to a ship of rebels on the run. The blood of children had seeped into the ground. The blood of bodies that had gave Serenity relatively safe passage through Reaver territory. The blood of Serenity’s own was in this ground, of Shepard Book, who Simon had been too late to save, and of Wash, who he never had a chance to save. 

As a doctor, Simon knew that he couldn’t save everyone. There were some cases in which the damage was too extensive, or the help had come too late. You had to take those cases, remember them, and learn from them, so that they never happened again.

How could anybody make sure that this didn’t happen again? Whose fault was it? Was it his fault for taking River and running away from the Alliance? Or would the blame rest with Mal for sheltering them? Did you blame those who fiddled with River’s mind in the first place? Could the blame rest with the ships that slaughtered all of Serenity’s contacts? Would you blame it on the Reavers, nightmarish fairy tale creatures who were actually real? Was the true culprit the Alliance government, something he’d been raised to honor and respect, for creating Miranda and subsequently hiding it? 

Who did you blame? 

Simon stood staring at the sky, looking for an absolution that wouldn’t come. He stood until his side began to cramp, his injury from the Reaver battle screaming for him to rest. He flopped to the ground, throwing his cane just to his left side.

“Simon?” Kaylee came running up to him, dropping to her knees at his right side. “Are you okay?” 

He looked at Kaylee, as pretty as a picture in the early morning light. The sunlight made her hair shine a dazzling shade of copper. At that moment, Simon wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to loose himself in her. Instead, he shrugged and looked back up at the sky. “I guess.” He shrugged noncommittally. 

Simon didn’t know how to act around Kaylee anymore. That was nothing new- she’d always had that power over him. Her warm smile and that silly parasol- Kaylee was the reason he’d chosen Serenity out of all the other ships at port that day. When Kaylee was around, all the etiquette he’d been taught on how to talk to a lady flew out the window. Half the time, Simon couldn’t talk to her with out insulting her, and when he did, he sounded like a blubbering idiot. They’d been dancing around each other for months, and he couldn’t even tell her how he felt when he almost left the ship. 

And then, instead of giving her flowery words and long kisses, he’d propositioned her for sex when they were facing certain death. That wasn’t how he meant to do it. That wasn’t how you treat a lady. Why couldn’t he say the gorram words?

“You expect me to buy that?” She said, rubbing his shoulder. “For the love of Buddha, Simon, we know each other better than that.”

“I…I….” The words stuck in his throat. “I feel….I feel a million things at once, and I feel nothing.” He grimaced at his own words. “And I’m making less sense than River.”

“That ain’t nonsense, Simon.” She reached over and put her hands gently on the sides of his face. “That’s what each and everyone of us is feeling. We’ve been on this crazy trip without a chance to slow down. Now that we’re slowin’ down, there’s an awful lot of ghosts chasin’ us. Leaves ya feeling mighty conflicted inside.”

Simon could feel tears welling up behind his eyes. He fought it as hard as he could, but the tears started to fall. 

Kaylee shifted him until he was lying in her lap. She held Simon as he cried, stroking his dark hair and softly whispering comforting words.

With a shuddering sigh, Simon ran out of tears. He gazed up at Kaylee, her face etched with concern and another emotion that he couldn’t quite identify. “I…I…”

“Shhhh.” Kaylee put a finger on his lips. “You ain’t ever gonna have to feel bad for coming to me cause you need some help or maybe even support. It’s like that old adage of the Captain and Zoe in the war, remember? When you can’t run, you crawl, and when you just can’t do that, you find someone to carry you.” She sighed softly. “You know how the Captain and Zoe are close?” Kaylee squeezed Simon’s hand gently. “That’s ‘cause they’re friends. Family, even. They went through pretty bad times in the war together, and they became family. And now all of us, and Serenity…we’ve been through Hell together.”

“So we’re friends?” 

Kaylee blushed a little. “I was hoping we might be more than that, considerin’…you don’t take back what you said?” 

“I’d never. I was afraid…I should have just told you that I love you, not act like you’re a companion trying to get contracts..”

“You just did, you boob.” Kaylee leaned down, closing the distance between them and kissing him deeply. As the kiss grew more involved, Simon lost his balance and ended up flat on his back, hitting the ground with a crack, Kaylee on top of him.

“You hurt?” She said, breaking apart for a second. 

“I…don’t think so…” Simon rolled over, so that Kaylee was now on top of him. He leaned over and laughed at the sight. “I’m fine. But my cane’s pretty much a goner.”

“You can just lean on me then.” She said with a devilish gleam in her eyes. “ I don’t plan on letting you go too far away from me. I love you, Simon Tam.”

Simon grinned and kissed her once more. 

 

**** 

 

“We were just about to send out a search party for you two.” Mal dryly welcomed Simon and Kaylee back onboard. “We’re gonna make trails soon, limp along to Persephone, dock there for awhile and fix up this old bird. Sound good to you two?”

“Persephone sounds great.” Kaylee smiled. “We’ll be ready to take off on your signal, Captain.” 

“And…I’m…..I’m…going to see what med supplies…we need to restock.” Simon half giggled. Kaylee grabbed his hand and they ran out of the cargo bay together.

“Think they actually got their act together?” 

“Well, duh, Mal.” Inara came up behind him, laughing. “Can’t you tell?”

“Looks like they had a pretty good time.” Jayne chuckled from his perch on top of the mule. “All that dirt and all.” Jayne hopped down and walked over to Mal and Inara. “And seeing that today’s my day in the pool, I’ve just become modestly rich.”

With some grumbling, Mal and Inara handed Jayne the money he was due.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted October 2005.


End file.
